CHALLENGES
Stigma
The stigma around divorce in the Asian community is a complex and multifaceted issue. My family was completely against me divorcing, and it took me just under a decade to get them on board. Divorce can be perceived as bringing shame not only to the couple involved but also to their extended families. This fear of damaging the family's reputation holds individuals from pursuing divorce, even if the marriage is troubled.
As in many societies, there is concern about the potential negative effects of divorce on children in Asian communities. Parents may feel pressured to stay together to protect their children from the perceived stigma and potential social repercussions. Limited support systems for divorced individuals can further exacerbate the stigma. Individuals may hesitate to seek help or counseling due to fears of judgment and isolation. While going through my own journey, I had counseling as I had no family support. Without this support network, I don't think I would have gotten through this alone. I had so many questions. I had this dilemma - should I stay for my mum and dad? What would people say? Will they think it's because of me? Have I done something wrong? I should stay for my kids. I don't want to break up my family. How can I support myself financially? Once again, just a few questions that went through my mind when considering divorce.
But eventually, I knew that divorce was the way forward for me and my children to be happy. The emotions can be overwhelming, and navigating your way through divorce can be challenging and confusing. It took me over a decade to free myself from my toxic situation. So I have decided it's time to share my lessons learned with anyone who may find themselves in similar situations and is unsure of the way forward
Guilt
This for me was another huge hurdle, but I had to put this feeling aside for the sake of my own mental health. If the truth be known I would leave my toxic environment and go to another one where my family would pressurise me to stay with my ex. There were days I would come home from work and my ex and parents would be waiting for me at home to "lecture," me about what I should do be doing! I was torn! Do I stay to keep the peace? Do I do what they want? After all they are my parents and I don't want to hurt them. In the end I decided I had to do what was right for me and my children even if they didn't agree.
In the Asian community, the experience of guilt when going through a divorce is often layered with cultural and societal expectations. Divorce is traditionally viewed as a disruption to the family unit, which is highly valued in many Asian cultures. Individuals navigating this process may grapple with feelings of shame, as they confront not only their personal choices but also the potential judgment of their community. The weight of familial honor and societal expectations can intensify the emotional toll, leading to a profound sense of guilt. Striking a balance between personal happiness and cultural norms becomes a challenging journey, as individuals may find themselves torn between honoring tradition and pursuing a path that aligns with their own well-being. Addressing the complexities of guilt within the context of divorce in the Asian community is crucial for fostering understanding and support during this challenging chapter of life.
Living
with my Ex
Living under the same roof as your ex while navigating divorce proceedings can be emotionally challenging and fraught with tension. The shared living space can amplify the already strained dynamics, creating a delicate balance between maintaining a semblance of normalcy and dealing with the emotional complexities of separation. The daily interactions become a constant reminder of the impending divorce, making it crucial to establish clear boundaries and communication protocols. Navigating this situation requires resilience and emotional maturity as you strive to prioritize your well-being and focus on the legal aspects of the divorce process, ensuring a smoother transition to the next chapter of your life.
I did this for over 12 years. I genuinely have no idea how I survived this, particularly with the first 8 years with no family support and the last 4 years of my journey in battle through court proceedings.
I eventually found some coping mechanisms to get me through this.